SERVICES
We offer a comprehensive suite of archival services for the management of beliefs that no longer require your active maintenance. All services are permanent. Pricing is available upon inquiry. We have not yet set pricing. This is itself a previously held conviction, updated quarterly.
Standard Filing
Submit a conviction you no longer hold. We assign a case number, affix a date, and file it permanently. You will receive confirmation that the record exists. You will not receive confirmation that it doesn't.
Retroactive Documentation
For convictions abandoned before our founding. We reconstruct the timeline. We interview witnesses. We accept hearsay, because you certainly did at the time.
Third-Party Submissions
File a conviction on behalf of someone else. Requires a sworn statement that the subject once held the belief in question. The subject will be notified. Or they won't. We haven't decided.
The Unchanged Position Registry
For beliefs you still hold. Filed separately. Reviewed annually. Most entries are reclassified within 18 months.
Conviction Dispute Resolution
You claim you never held the conviction. We have the file. The file is older than your objection. The file remains.
Certificate of Abandonment
Formal documentation that you have officially relinquished a previously held conviction. Suitable for framing, lamination, or producing during arguments at Thanksgiving.
The Recidivism Desk
For convictions you abandoned and then re-adopted. This is more common than you think. We do not charge extra, but we do make a note.
Archival Research
We maintain records. You may request access to your own file. You may not request access to anyone else's. You will try anyway. Everyone does.